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HOW RUDE!!!

Yes!!! He's back. There he is!! I ran into Mr. Impolite at Beerland during the Chumps reunion show. It was just like the old timey days of the Blue Flamingo. Here you can see Mr. Motard ordering a tasty (non-alcoholic) beverage from the fine publicans of Beerland.

He was actually in a good mood, but didn't want me to take a picture of him because he thought that I was going to post it online and write about how polite or impolite he was. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now.

POLITENESS RATING =

7

Yep. There he is. I again ran into the elusive ex-Mr. Motard at Beerland. Johnathan was extremely polite. Interesting to note how he's managed to keep his "Motarded-ness" even through the years (notice the heavy black frames and backpack).

He was drinking a water. He said that he wasn't up to much.

POLITENESS RATING =

9

SXSW '06

Went to attend the "Comedians of Comedy" show at Emo's here in Austin. We know all the kids that work there, so we went up into the "employee area" before the show and were hanging with our peeps.

We're sitting here up by the Emo's office and lo and behold, who should walk up but Mr. Johnny Motard himself!! I'll have to say that not only was he polite, but he was freshly shaved and showered and didn't even smell. I don't think he even drinks anymore.

So, unfortunately, a sober Johnny Motard makes for a pretty boring politeness update. But I guess we need to be happy for Mr. Motard.

POLITENESS RATING =

9

Beerland - March 2005

So, I'm wandering around Red River during South by Southwest. It was about 3 p.m. If you go to Austin for SXSW, that's the best place to see shows - during the day. Because it's next to impossible to get into something at night if you don't have a "Super Secret Platnum I'm Really Cool" Pass. Also, everything during the day is free. And if it's free, I'm there.

Anyway, so we walk into Beerland, grab a PBR Tall Boy and settle in for the show. As I'm about to leave, who comes up to me but Mr. Motard himself!!

The best part? The first thing he did when he saw me was TAKE MY HAT!! That's right, he grabbed my hat off my head - WITHOUT my permission - and proceeded to hide it from me.

HE'S STILL IMPOLITE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!

Johnny is all sober now and has a kid, so it's good to see him still keep a bit of that "impolite-ocity" that made him so great in the first place.

After he took my hat, though, he immediately gave it back to me and hugged me. He didn't even smell or anything.

Cheers to you, Mr. Motard!

POLITENESS RATING =

5

Emo's

So I decided to attend a "punk rock" show at the local "punk rock" establishment here in town. Our pals The Ritchie Whites were playing, as well as some other rockin' Austin, TX bands, The Ends and The Pink Swords.

So I'm hanging out there, "punk rock"-ing in the front row and who do I spot but none other than Johnny Motard, also "punk rock"ing out, but in a suprisingly downplayed fashion.

He looked exactly the same - a three day growth of stubble sprouted from his cheeks and the black framed glasses were still there.

We stopped and chatted for a while after the show. I asked him what was going on and he said that he was just hanging out. Believe it or not, there is now the pitter-patter of little Motard feet running around his house. John had a baby with his wife, one of the chicks in Austin's hippest all girl "punk rock" band, The Applications.

I don't think that John lives with his wife or anything. I'm not really sure and I certainly don't want to spread any rumors because that would be really impolite. But he mentioned something about living with a chick roommate and she sets his computer up for him to get on the Internet. But he never gets on it. That's kinda impolite that she goes to the trouble of setting it up for him and then he never "Internets", but I'm not going to call that impoite as I think Johnny Motard might be cyberically challenged.

I gave him my business card for work and told him to email me at work but not to write anything dirty because all my email is open records and property of the state. I could have just told him the website, but I didn't want to confuse him. I figured if he had something on a piece of paper, he would be more apt to email and, thus, more polite.

El flojo

POLITENESS RATING =

7 9 (if he emails me)

My House

We invited John over to my place to do a voiceover for our film, "The Collegians Are Go!!". We'd tried to get him to do a cameo a couple of times, but he never called back. However, on this day, we were lucky. He said that he'd love to do a voiceover part. I told him I'd call him back and let him know what time we wanted to start, etc.

Johnny called my house on the day of the recording. He wanted to know when we were going to start. He left a message something to the effect of, "Gimme a call back, faggot". I called Johnny back and told him we wanted to start at 8pm. This was way too late for him, he protested. It was 6pm and he was on his sixth beer. Lately, he's been working in a warehouse and he has to get up real early -- but it's a job he says he enjoys. John says that he's going to take a nap and I agree to call him at 8.

So 8pm finally rolls around and I call Mr. Rapist. John all of a sudden says that he can't do it. I can hear him talking to someone in the background. So I don't know what's up. He insists that it's my fault because I didn't want to start at 6pm. I can see that this is going nowhere fast, so I say goodbye and hangup because we've got a lot of work to do.

While we were working, the phone rang a couple of times, but I didn't answer it. The next day I checked my messages -- and who called the night before but Mr. Rapist. He apologized PROFUSELY on my answering machine. This, by the way, when he thought that "The John Motard Politeness Update" was defunct.

Don't know if we're going to be able to get him in the movie, though.

El flojo

POLITENESS RATING =

4 (for missing his casting call) 7 (afterwards)